Back in the bad old days, there wasn't much advertising in Soviet Russia. With few products to market and no competition for marketshare, there wasn't much reason to advertise. (Most Soviet advertising was political propaganda, confined to billboards and wall posters -- usually featuring models wearing overalls, gazing bravely, heroically across sunrise landscapes into Mother Russia's future. With clever, catchy headlines like "Communism Equals Soviet Power Plus Electrification of the Entire Country!")

Those bad old days are gone, babushka, gone. In advertising, as in many other areas, today's Russkies have adopted Western ways. They even have political ads. Really weird political ads.

Take this recent TV spot for Prime Minister Vladimir Putin and his United Russian Party, for example:

Message to Tulsa's own Fred Davis – now the go-to guy for top-tier GOP advertising: Hard to imagine Mitt Romney in a spot like this. (Newt would've been better casting.) But maybe worth a shot? Sex sells!

Translation:

“We’ll find out, little beauty, who fate has in store for you.”

“You know, I hope it’s for love.” Blink-blink-blink. “It’s my… first time.”

“The cards will tell the truth… I see it will be for love… without deception…”

A Putin card is revealed.

“Wow. It’s him!”

“You’ll be happy with him. He’ll protect you like a stone wall.”

 Putin. First time — only for [heart/checkmark]